I have the phrase “find comfort in the uncomfortable” tattooed on my arm; it’s a reminder that growth happens in the uncomfortable, and while this is true, it’s also my trauma response. I sought out hard things, not to grow, but to punish myself. My comfort came from the chaos; if it didn’t exist, I created it.
I remember standing in the kitchen of our 100-year-old red brick farmhouse – I was invisible. They would ignore me when I became too much. The memory comes back with flashes and smells, and there is this little ache under my ribs – it will hit me all of a sudden and I’m back there as this awkward, little bucktooth girl (photo for context), who doesn’t understand why she has such big emotions or why she is so angry or why no one will hug her and tell her she’s going to be ok and she is loved.
My trauma built me…it built this. It came from a childhood where I was told I was “too much.” I felt small, invisible, and alone…so alone.
When you grow up needing to be seen and you don’t get it, you hustle until the hustle becomes your only proof of worth. For me, the business, the really big goals, the late nights, they were all ways to stay moving so I wouldn’t have to sit with the feels, so I could prove I was worthy. Find comfort in the uncomfortable, am I right? If I’m always reaching, I’ll never be stuck.
My grit and ability to outwork and out-hustle most everyone are all built from trauma. It created 8THIRTYFOUR but set me up to allow the same patterns and people into my life.
My trauma was longing to be loved, and that made me blind to a lot of things and oblivious to some really bad people. It almost cost me my company, marriage, and home. It resulted in wrecked finances, trust, and the loss of family – although many would argue it wasn’t a loss at all.
I’m telling you my trauma because it built me, but I will not let it define me. My addiction to work is rooted in pain, and I let it unconsciously drive every decision. It’s why I shifted the work 8THIRTYFOUR is doing, and mapped out my ten‑year goal. It is about being intentional and not allowing trauma-driven behavior to win.
I’m trying to set boundaries, be intentional about what I say yes to, and actually look at the impact my fucking trauma has on those around me – the ones who are my real family. Behaviors I thought were strengths, never stopping, always saying yes, are self-sabotage. Making change is hard, and there are a lot of baby steps – refusing to do free work, getting rid of the people or processes that don’t align with my ten-year shift…and refusing to let the past define what I’m willing to accept now.
If you’re reading this and something in you recognizes the pattern, the hypervigilance, the need to overperform, the repeated bad hires or relationships, start by acknowledging it. Write it down. Say it out loud. Take a day to be still and notice where your body tightens when you think about it. Then make one concrete boundary this week to protect you.
The hard part is not the first boundary. It’s the thousand times you remind yourself of it, or stay true to it, but each time you choose differently, you prove to yourself that you are not the sum of what happened to you.
You are the author of what you will do with it.
