What’s A Man Gotta Do

This is the much-requested, much-anticipated sequel to The Gray Wave: Why Women Are Leaving.

Men, consider this your notice.

Dear Men,

If the amount of effort you’ve put into your relationship is any indication of your willingness to do anything, it is highly unlikely you’ll read through all of this… so below is the summary: three bullet points. 

• Step up, or she will quit you. Long‑term relationship research shows that when men refuse to accept their partner’s influence and share decision‑making, relationships are far more likely to become distressed, gridlocked, and finally…she’ll just say fuck it. Gen X women, in particular, are choosing to walk away rather than keep raising a man who will not grow up (perimenopause is speeding up this process).
• She has two jobs (more like five). Women carry about 73% of the household work (planning, tracking, remembering) and roughly two‑thirds of the physical chores, and this “mental load” is directly linked to higher depression, stress, burnout, rage (ok, I added this one), and also why you are not getting laid. If your stance is “just tell me what to do,” or “you didn’t remind me,” you are the problem. Also, we are not your moms, assistants, or catch-alls.
• History was brutal. Systems treated women as financial dependents; until the mid‑1970s, lenders and employers could legally block women from accessing credit, favorable loan terms, and equal treatment at work without a man attached to their file. When you choose not to understand, educate, or acknowledge the stereotypes you are perpetuating, you are the problem.

The Warning:

Women are walking away from partners who never learned or bothered to show up as equals, and Gen X is setting the example. After decades of doing and carrying it all, women are looking at the men beside them and choosing to be alone. They are choosing peace.

You want to change it? Do something. 

If you are one of the few men who got this far in the article, welcome. This section is for you, and it’s called Pull Your Head Out of Your Ass.

Step 1: Get a Clue

By the time we get to marrying (sounds very Bridgerton) age, we have been navigating systems not built by us and certainly not designed for us. In other words, we’ve been in fight mode for our entire lives, and we think marriage means a partner, someone to share the hard shit with; we commit and put in the work. 

So, what did we get instead? Well, Bob, let’s see what’s behind curtain number 3!

1. Women do it all: tracking schedules, making appointments, planning vacations, holidays, and solving problems before they happen.
2. We never get to clock out, and our stress shows up as headaches, insomnia (what is sleep?), fatigue, and stress‑related illness. 

Step 2. Own and Do. 

Look around, see that sock on the floor – pick it up. The unmade bed – make it. The dirty dishes – put them in that thing under the counter that magically makes them clean. The bill on the counter – pay it. The list on the fridge – get in your vehicle and go to a place called “grocery store.”

Before you leave your shoes by the door, put the empty beer bottle next to the recliner, discard your toothbrush by the sink or leave the toilet seat up: STOP. LOOK. SEE. DO. 

You are not a child, employee, or invalid. What you are is self-absorbed and entitled. 

Step 3. Communicate.

We have been carrying decades of men’s shit, and then we come home to more of it – see aforementioned Step 1. When you go silent, withdraw, deflect, or walk away, you’re proving to us again and again that we are truly alone….all because we asked if you did the thing we asked you to do 1500 times previously.

Instead of owning (Step 2) or having a conversation, you get defensive, stonewall, deflect, gaslight…and treat us like we’re the problem. 

Step 4: Get help. 

It isn’t our job to fix, manage, or help you navigate your emotional immaturity. Google “therapist for incompetent men,” then go to Reddit and pick one. 

Oh, and stop being intimidated by our success. We’re sick of tiptoeing around your fragile male ego because you’re incapable of seeing, accepting, or acknowledging the absolute fucking powerhouses we are.