Sorry, Not Sorry.

STOP.

I wrote Stop Apologizing in 2017, and if I’m being honest, it pisses me off that I’ve been saying the same thing for a decade. I’m nothing if not consistent. 

I’m still watching women make themselves smaller for others’ comfort. Apologizing for existing is costing all of us.

It is long past time for women to own their power, space, voice, and that’s gonna require us to stop apologizing.

DON’T GIVE THEM A REASON

Saying in a meeting, “Sorry, can I jump in?” tells everyone you don’t think you belong in the conversation. Emailing a client with “so sorry to bother you with this,” tells them their time matters more. Ending a brilliant idea with “but I could be wrong” discredits your experience, skills and accomplishments.   

We were raised to be agreeable, polite, palatable, and small; don’t you kind of think that shit is played out? Just look around, does it look like men being in charge is working for us?

DO THIS

Share your point of view. Take up the space. If Bob can interrupt three people to repeat what you already said, you can speak up without a preamble.

Ask for what you’re worth. Drop the dollar amount, do not fill the silence, and let them respond. Do not soften the ask with “I know this might be a lot.” You’ve FUCKING earned this. 

Deliver hard news. Whether it’s letting someone go, telling a client the project is off track, or telling your team the strategy is changing, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this” makes you look unsure of the decision- be clear, not sorry.

Set boundaries. No is a complete sentence. “Sorry, I can’t take that on right now” turns a boundary into an apology. Say “that’s not something I can take on” and watch the world keep spinning.

Exist in a room. Walk in, sit down, take the last seat, be early, be on time, be the only woman, be the loudest woman, be the quietest woman; none of it requires an apology.

Disagree. You can be respectful and direct without leading with: “Sorry, I see it differently.” 

Take up space. If you’re in the meeting, you belong in the meeting. If you have the floor, you have the floor. 

Be good at your job. Win the account, get the promotion, hit the number, build the thing; celebrating yourself is not arrogance, it’s warranted.

Change your mind. We’re allowed to evolve without filing a formal apology.

Your body, your face, your voice, your laugh, your hair, your outfit, your tattoos, your age, your everything. You don’t owe anyone a smaller version of yourself.

Stop apologizing. Own it. 

Oh, and register for the Big Deal Energy workshop, spend time with other badass women.